A story from the Crafty Canine

My mother gave me a different kind of keyboard the other day. It wasn’t for writing stories – it had four magic keys.

She said if I pressed the keys while she was away, I wouldn’t feel so scared or lonely. I wasn’t sure about that, but I gave it a try.

The T key was for Treats. When I pressed it, the key lit up and then two biscuits jumped out of my treat box. Just like that. They didn’t break when they fell on the floor either.

But the key only worked a few times. After that, it just made a clicking sound when I pressed it. I guess my mother did that so I wouldn’t keep eating biscuits all day.

The B key was for Ball. When I pressed it, the key lit up and some tennis balls flew out of my toy basket and rolled onto the floor. I’m not kidding. No one had to be there to throw them.

The M key was for Mother. When I pressed it, I could hear my mother’s voice from somewhere. It was a little spooky because I couldn’t tell where she was. But I did hear her say ‘good dog’ and ‘I’ll be home soon.’ It made me feel better.

I wasn’t sure what the Paw key did. It was bigger than the other keys. I think my mother used it to turn the keyboard on and off. Maybe the key did some other magic things. But if I tried to press it, nothing happened. Not even a clicking sound.

Now when my mother leaves me alone I don’t feel so sorry for myself. I don’t sleep all the time. I have too much fun playing with the magic keys. Sometimes I can’t wait until she leaves.

I’m not an ordinary dog. I have a unique talent that sets me apart from my other furry friends.

I can write stories.

My human mother teaches me words, but sometimes I get stuck trying to find the right ones for a particular story. I leave those parts blank.

Fortunately, my keyboard has a Story button. When I press it, words fill my story’s blank spots. Sometimes I only get abbreviations though. They’re just shorter words.

For example, DFE. It means Dog Friendly Establishment. But who would know that.

Or DWA (Dogs With Attitude). Yes, most dogs have strong opinions.

OC (Obedience Champion). Certainly not me. I flunked my obedience class.

LOP (Leader of the Pack). I think some dogs are naturally bossy.

LMA (Leave Me Alone). All dogs should know this one.

Stories from other dogs

I don’t think there are other dogs who can write stories like I do. So sometimes a dog will share a story idea with me. Then I write it.

For example, a small brown dog from the Dog Library told me his story. It went like this:

‘I licked the maple syrup. Then I ate a pancake. Then I got in trouble.’

It was an easy story to write. Except the end. What kind of trouble? I pressed the Story button.

The words got changed to ‘Then they put me in my crate.’

I think dog crates are only meant for naughty dogs, so that worked.

Here’s another dog’s story:

‘I chased a cat. The cat ate a mouse. The mouse was dead.’

Sort of a dead-end story, if you know what I mean.

I pressed the Story button and got something slightly different.

‘I chased a cat. The cat chased a mouse. The mouse disappeared.’

A little more appealing. But then what?

I pressed the Story button again.

This time, I got a strange answer.

‘Go find your own ideas.’

I had to use my imagination after that.

A story from the Crafty Canine

In a dog crate

“I was in a dog crate once. Just once. Someone told my mother a crate was good for dogs. So she put me in there.

I knew she wouldn’t last very long. I saw her cover her ears and run into the other room. I hadn’t even started barking yet.

Crate training

Some people think a dog crate is especially good for Crate Training. But I don’t get it. How can you learn anything without a person in there with you?

Like Come, Sit, and Stay. First, the Come command. Forget it. You simply cannot run to someone in a dog crate.

Next, the Sit command. Forget that too. Unless you want to bump your head. Then there’s the Stay command. This one works great when you’re in a dog crate. I mean, what other choice do you have?

If you want to act like a watchdog, a crate is not the best place to be either. How can you look scary and mean when you’re behind bars?

Down time

One last thing. A dog crate is supposed to be good for down time. I’m not sure what that is, but if it’s like nap time, I like my spot on the couch. Or anyplace else I can really stretch out.

So, goodbye dog crate. Give the cat a turn.

My mother teaches me people words so I can use them in my stories. Now she’s teaching me some people songs too. She thinks they’ll make me a more creative writer.

Different types of music

She said there were different types of music and each one would make me feel a little differently.

First, she played some opera music. It was scary. It sounded like a pack of wolves and screaming birds. I felt like hiding.

Next, she played some classical music. It made me sleepy. I felt like taking a nap.

Onto rock music. It woke me up. I wanted to chase tennis balls and squirrels.

Then she played some soft rock. It was sort of like rock music but harder to hear.

Finally, she played some musicals. She started with the musical “Cats,” just to tease me. I thought I’d hear some hissing and meowing, but the cats were busy dancing and singing. I liked the song “The Naming of Cats.” One cat was named Asparagus.

Different songs

Then she played some people songs she thought I’d like.

Born to Run – I’m not sure I started to run when I was born, but pretty soon after that.

I Love My Dog – This song was written by a guy named Cat. I think he should stick to what he knows.

Help! – Yelp is more like it.

Hound Dog – I liked the name, but the song made me feel like I had knots in my fur.

Hey Jude – Who’s Jude?

I Will Always Love You – It’s a good thing because I plan on sticking around for a while.

A children’s song

My mother played one children’s song. It was called “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?” I think they left a word out. How much what?

My own songs

I made up some names for my own songs too.

The Stolen Socks

Let Go of My Leash

Don’t Forget to Scratch My Belly

Old Bones in New Holes

That’s all I could think of. Time to write the stories…

One day Stanley the Mischief Dog played his favorite game with some of the dogs in the library. The game was called ‘Find the Hidden Books’.

The first book Stanley hid was ‘The Jelly in a Jelly Doughnut’. It was a popular book, and the dogs ran all over the library trying to find it.

They sniffed all the books on all the shelves in all the aisles. They even sniffed Margaret, but she didn’t smell like jelly. Or a doughnut.

Suddenly there was a loud bark. A young Beagle found the book. He was prancing around with the book in his mouth, drooling and wagging.

Stanley barked back, surprised that the game was over so quickly. He thought he had hidden a book really well this time. It was in the How-To aisle between the book ‘How to Hide Rawhide’ and a blank book with no smell. It should have been in the Treats aisle with the other doughnut books. That’s where Margaret put it.

Even though Stanley’s games were fun for some dogs, there were other dogs in the library who didn’t like his tricks.

Especially Margaret.